I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
