Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You smell like stripper and shame
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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