We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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