I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
