I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
