Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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