You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
