dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
