I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
