I'm passing your future prison.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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