Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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