the condom got lost in my hair
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
