absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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