White coat. Heels.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So vagazzling was a success
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
