I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
