so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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