so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
