dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
