He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
