He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
