you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
