I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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