he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
