she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
