you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
