so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
