I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
