watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
