Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
