Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
