Already got asked if we're dating
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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