Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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