At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
