covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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