Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can text with my tongue
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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