I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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