Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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