is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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