SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
