I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
