I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
