Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want nice things and good sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
