last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
