I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
