big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
