Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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