Whod you bang
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
