Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
