My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
