Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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