You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
