I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
