We won't sleep together?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
