So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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