I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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