I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize