haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
