I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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