Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
