pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
