Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
