A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
