Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my shit smells like andre
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
