you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
