I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
