While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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