So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
