His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
